Playing inside the box

This week I became aware of how many lies I have created around my childhood and also how heavy the burden of carrying them is. One big lie that has influenced my life is the one that I can only play in the box. The box is the backyard of our house, and playing in it was lonely, not so much fun. I ultimately wanted to play outside with the other kids, but my Mom was concerned that the other kids where not safe, and trustworthy. In the box was safe, I got to play with myself or my sisters. That loyalty and fear keeps me in the box. However outside is a different world, and I so want to play out there. This is a serious tug of war. Interesting are the consequences of this lie. I am never ready to trust a new friend, the guards are always on. I can never sit still for too long, there seems to be always something more interesting out there.